Possessive boyfriends are deadly. They can be deadly to themselves, the
partner involved and as such the relationship is a ticking time bomb.
Possessiveness in a relationship is tied to some psychological factors
and most possessive relationships are like a master-slave relationship.
About
three years ago, there was this guy who was dating a certain girl but
the relationship was a possessive/controlling one. The guy controlled
who she could talk to, who she could greet, what she could wear and so
on. He always wanted her in his sight. It got so bad that this girl and
the guy were walking down the street one day, they met a friend of mine.
The girl had to make a signal to my friend to walk past them as if they
didn’t know each other. At night, this girl would call my friend to
lament she was fed up of the relationship. One day, she told him she was
quitting the relationship. She did it face-to-face. That is what adults
do. She then left his house that day. The guy, obviously distraught,
started flooding her phone with text messages which she ignored. At this
time, she was updating my friend with full details.
However, two
text messages stood out. The first text indicated that he was going to
commit suicide. She ignored it too. Later the second one came in which
indicated that he was in pains and dying. With doubts and yet not
leaving anything to chance, she rushed to his house only to find him
bleeding and gushing out whitish stuff from his mouth. He had drunk the
popular pesticide Sniper. She shouted for help and the neighbours came
in to find his dying body. They pinned the incidence on her. This is the
reason many people don’t help accident victims in Nigeria. Well, back
to the story, she advocated for her innocence meanwhile he was being
rushed to the hospital. The guy’s family came around and said if the guy
dies, they would hold her responsible.
On the third day, he
died. The family of the deceased made the arrest but in the process, she
made a call to my friend, the narrator of this story. He met her at the
police station and they starting discussing the cause of events to the
police. The Nigerian police, as usual, don’t really care so much. They
didn’t bother to make further enquiries since grieving family members
had made an arrest, then they must be right. It was a lot of trouble
getting around the case but the girl had told my friend she received a
message from the deceased which he (my friend) had warned her not to
delete. It was this time that the message was useful. She explained to
the police that she had received a text from the deceased. They demanded
to see it. In short, that was how the case was dropped. Presently, she
still trying to pick up the pieces of her life because such experience
is a traumatizing one.
This is a classic example of how a
possessive/controlling relationship could end. What a tragedy! Many
people are in these types of relationships. I don’t have a scientific
data but I feel ladies are more victims of these types of relationship
as men tend to be the controlling ones. How do you manage a break from a
controlling/possessive relationship?
A revered policeman once
said “you’re your first line of defence”. Your first line of defence in
this type of relationship is that you make reliable people aware of the
state of the relationship. I said “reliable”. It is not enough to have
people told, it is when you inform reliable people. People who could
comfort and stand by you through thick and thin. From the story, imagine
if my friend had not been reliable or had not stepped up to support
her, I’m sure she would be in jail by now—in Nigeria, it doesn’t take
much time for that to happen. Also make sure your own family members
know about the relationship. NEVER keep a controlling/possessive secret.
When its tragedy happens, the police won’t care.
By the time you
start noticing some tendencies of maniac controlling, start archiving
messages, emails and record conversions during an argument. DO NOT
DELETE ANY. If the lady had deleted those messages she received in the
last moments probably due to anger, she would be behind bars. Keep a
cool head at this time. On any day of an argument, keep record. If need
be keep a diary with dates and locations.
Lastly, I believe most
controlling relationships do involve being physical sometimes, report to
the police. You decide not to make an arrest but let them be aware of
what you are going through. Most importantly, quit the relationship
early.
There may be no foolproof approach to managing a possessive relationship but I’m sure some of the above tips will help.
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